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A nursery school pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.
“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....”Da-ad....”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?”
“No, You had your chance. Lights out.” Five minutes later:
“I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??”
“ I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to smack you!!” Five minutes later......
“When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?”
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him “How do you expect to get into Heaven?”
The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St Peter says, 'For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!' ”