Tuesday, May 17, 2011
by Kristen Bagwell
So many of my friends have grown up in homes with guns. One of my favorite childhood friends grew up hunting with his dad, and now his son goes hunting with them every season; he has since he could stand up, just about. Another dear friend grew up with a father who was an incredible big-game hunter. Their home was filled with his trophies, and I mean filled: an elephant head on the wall in one room, ducks flying across the corner of another, a gi-normous bear standing tall, and many many others, all beautifully mounted and stuffed. Yet when my husband brought home a gun yesterday - and it's not like we had not talked about it - I flipped out a little.
How did this all come about? Well, my husband is another southerner who grew up around guns. Nearly every male in his family has been in some branch of armed service, and it's not like those who were not in the military hadn't tried to enlist. He grew up in the NC mountains, and evidently the combination of those two things made guns a way of life. My mother even grew up with guns, for as much as we were sheltered from them - she too lived in the mountains, and hunting was a family activity whatever the season. Thinking about it in those terms, initially I was okay with the idea. Gun in the house, fine. Safety first, okay. But the more we talked about it, the less I liked the idea, especially with a 3-year old and a baby on the way.
After we got in an argument last night in which my husband was actually very confused - he thought my lack of response / quietude during our discussions supported my initial "well, if you are dying to have one, okay" comment - I debated whether I'd have felt better if he'd gotten a rifle instead of a hand gun. Rifles seem less like toys to me. They are brought out only for a purpose, as in, to scare my daughter's 17-year old dates (thinking ahead here) or to shoot the rabid racoon in the back yard (we live on several acres). I think, though, that my actual problem is that I am just afraid of guns, and clearly I did not communicate this well enough to my husband. The poor guy was sitting there trying to figure out when "well, I don't like it, but we can talk about it" turned into "effing hell no" and I was trying to tell him that I just don't know how to be around guns, and maybe if he could make me feel okay with it, then I'd be, well, okay with it. Instead, there was yelling, ending with "fine, I'll just take the gun back," which wasn't exactly my point.
So now I am faced with a dilemma. Clearly, there is a way to live in a house with a gun and have no one get hurt; families have been doing that for years. I just don't know how to get comfortable with it. I do trust my husband, but I don't necessarily know his gun rules, at least not all of them. He insists that the gun will only come out in order to keep our family safe, but I thought that's what the big stick under the bed was for...I do want to support my husband, and I do believe that he will be very strict and safe with a weapon in the house. However, I think I'll feel better when I hear from some folks who have some experience here. (Too bad our friend Tom broke up with Jen the policeman; I could really use her point of view!)
Anyway, my question is this: did any of you grown up with guns? Were they hidden from you, or were you made aware of the weapons and the rules? Again, I don't want to talk about whether or not guns should be in homes at all - that's a debate for another time. Given that a gun in our home is becoming a reality, I wanted to get some perspective. Please leave your comments below or on our facebook page.
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Comments
top of the closet, locked in a gun case with the bullets locked away in a seperate closet. So if it's not going to be kept right beside of the bed (which I don't recommend at all) then what is the reason to have a gun. I mean no person breaking in is going
to wait for you to go to the closet, get your gun out an dload it with bullets. See, this is why I struggle with the idea of having the gun in the house. I can see both sides of the argument to have/not have one. UGH!!!!! Thanks for thepost, Got us thinking
this morning.
out there these days so you do need some way to protect yourself. Good luck!
to handle, shoot and clean firearms by my cousin (who is a third generation police officer). THAT was more intimidating to me than knowing there were firearms in the glove box or house. Now that I'm a parent, I do not hold issue with having firearms in the
home. Safety is paramount, especially when you have little ones at home. I've always been curious about those who say "I'd never have guns in the house! Too dangerous!". Clearly they've do not live with someone who uses a gun (or other weapons) as part of
their employment. The key to feeling better about the situation is to educate yourself. Go to the firing range with your husband. Make sure that ammo and the piece are in different locations, away from curious hands. While you're at it, check in with the neighbors
or anywhere else your child(ren) has playtime/visits - are they taking the same precautions with their firearms?
his nine-year-old stepdaughter a small rifle and is teaching her how to use it. All of their guns are locked up except for one hidden high on top of a shelf that is for rabid foxes—that one needs to be reached quickly. All that is fine, but when my four-year-old
and six-year-old visit, they are very interested in the guns. They do not know about the one that is close by, but they like to look at the others. It makes me SO nervous. It's a fascination most boys have, and I guess I would rather they learn about guns
in a supervised, "where it's needed" environment. But does that mean I want one in the house, here in our neighborhood? No way.
a tazer but my huband thinks I would abuse it by tazing random annoying people like those who walk too slowly in front of us at the mall. Which is a valid concern. Good luck with everything! I'm sure you'll make the right decision for your family! Rachel
But a handgun is primarily for home protection. So if you store the gun safely - locked and ammo kept separate - is it really effective to protect the home given how long it would take to get the gun loaded? And with the alternative - not storing the gun safely
- there is a much greater risk for an accident than there is for a home invasion probably (I guess that depends on where you live, but for the purposes of this discussion, I don't think most of us live in a neighborhood that dangerous) (And I know you don't
want a discussion on gun ownership in homes, but for those who are interested - The New England Journal of Medicine published a study several years ago on gun ownership and homocide - "Despite the widely held belief that guns are effective for protection,
our results suggest that they actually pose a substantial threat to members of the household. People who keep guns in their homes appear to be at greater risk of homicide in the home than people who do not. Most of this risk is due to a substantially greater
risk of homicide at the hands of a family member or intimate acquaintance. We did not find evidence of a protective effect of keeping a gun in the home, even in the small subgroup of cases that involved forced entry." http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM199310073291506
in homes. We've talked about this some more tonight and will continue to discuss it. It's still scary to me but I think with some training and a safe on a (very!) high shelf, I might learn to live with it. You have all helped put my mind at ease a bit, and
to consider all the avenues. Thank you!!